An Incident At The Race Book

So yesterday, I got up early and got to the casino before the Race Book was open.  I wanted to make sure I got the Saturday forms for the 2014 Belmont Stakes.  I got there too early, and I lost about $500 playing video poker and waiting for the Race Book to open.  I was pissed.

So I quit playing video poker and I go back to the Race Book, which is now open,  and I ask the guy for the Friday & Saturday East Coast Forms.  And I give the guy my 2 vouchers for free racing forms.

I usually save up my vouchers for free racing forms so I don't have to keep going back to the kiosk for new vouchers.  So I have about 20 vouchers in my wallet.

I give the guy behind the counter my 2 vouchers for the free racing forms.  The guy looks at the vouchers and he says the vouchers are dated June 3rd, this is June 6th.

No one ever checked the friggin dates before...they just take the vouchers and give me the racing forms.  And I was already pissed because I had lost money waiting for them to open the Race Book.

So I go through the stack of vouchers in my wallet and I start to flip them at the kid one at a time.  He says "You're throwing stuff at me."

I pay no attention to him...I just keep flipping the vouchers off his chest.  Meanwhile telling him he's an asshole.  I tell him,

"It cost me $2,000 waiting for you to open the fucking Race Book, and that's what??? Four weeks salary for you, you fucking asshole?  And you're telling me the vouchers have a wrong date?  When I've been doing this for years and nobody ever looked at the date before??"

Well, when I finish bouncing all my vouchers off this guy's chest,  I apologize to the guy.  Then I go to the kiosk and I get vouchers with the right date.  I go back to the kid and get my racing forms and the kid says something and I get pissed off again and I start in on the kid again... calling him an asshole etc.  I was really steamed.

The vouchers have my name printed on them.  I'll probably get barred from the casino.  This may be a good thing.

Baseball on TV

So, Jason Werth is at bat in a crucial situation.  I'm glued to my TV screen.  Next thing I know, some guy with a microphone is interviewing a woman in the grandstands about Women's Health.  And he doesn't stop.  Yadayadayada.

I have nothing against women's health.  But I'm trying to watch Jason Werth attempt to get a hit and knok in a run.  And I'm trying to concentrate on the moment in the baseball game.  Why is this jerk talking to this nice lady about women's health at this particular time?

Same thing happened the other day.  A game was being played and some guy with a microphone interviewed the son of Ralph Kiner.  I have nothing against Ralph Kiner.  I remember the battles between Ralph Kiner and Johnny Mize back in the 1940s for who would lead the National League in home runs.

But why interview Ralph Kiner's son and his daughter-in-law for ten or fifteen minutes during the progress of a baseball game?  And I'm not kidding; the interview seemed likely to never end.

I subscribe to MLB.TV.com (or whatever).. During Spring Training they showed the most annoying advertisement possible.  They showed it every half-inning of every game.  I think that comes to 17 times per game that I had to watch this thing.

I have nothing against gay guys, just like I have nothing against women's health.  But during baseball games?  The ad began: "I'd like to introduce Mister Locks...Mister Gold E. Locks."  And this obviously gay dude with a ton of blond hair waltzes onto the TV screen and the announcer says "he is just back from Basel."  Gold E. Locks then goes to a hotel where he finds a line of transgenders, or transexuals, or clowns (I'm not sure...) and I had trouble following the gist of the thing from there.

I have no idea what product the advertisement intended to endorse; but when I find out, I shall refuse to buy it.  This is Baseball fer chrissake; not "gerbil, gerbil, where did I hide my gerbil?"

I think I'll toss my TV into the trash.  I've been thinking of doing this for awhile.  And I'll discontinue my MLBTV.com or whatever it is.  Or maybe I'll just watch those programs that come on in the morning and show highlights of all the games from the previous day.  And I'll go back to reading the box scores in the newspapers.  That's how I followed baseball when I was a kid.  It probably works just as well now.

Speed

If you haven't heard the name Billy Hamilton yet, you soon will.  In the Minor Leagues in 2012, Billy Hamilton stole 155 bases in 132 games.   Billy Hamilton then stole 75 bases in Triple A Ball in 123 games.  Then the Cincinnati Reds called Billy up to the Major Leagues, and Billy promptly stole 13 bases in 13 games.  Billy Hamilton is fast.

Fast guys like Billy Hamilton draw crowds.  People fill baseball stadiums to watch fast guys like Billy Hamilton.  People tune in their TV sets to watch the Billy Hamiltons of the world.  Speed sells.  And Baseball is a business.  So don't think the owners of Major League Baseball Teams haven't noticed; they will all want a piece of the action.

Jacoby Ellsbury, now of the NY Yankees, and previously with the Boston Red Sox, led the Major Leagues in stolen bases last year with 52.  Five of those 52 stolen bases came in one game.  If we discount that one game, no one in the Major Leagues stole more than 50 bases last year.

Well, you can kiss that era good-bye.  I saw Billy Hamilton being interviewed.  He said he enjoys watching Dee Gordon run the basepaths.  Dee Gordon is another speedster.  Dee is with the L.A. Dodgers.  In 2013 Dee Gordon stole 10 bases for the Dodgers in 106 at-bats.  In 2012 in Triple-A Ball Dee Gordon stole 51 bases.

I am sure the Dodger's owners can hear the cha-ching of the cash registers already.  In 2014 you can expect to see a lot more of Dee Gordon.  I say Dee Gordon steals 40 bases or more.

Rajai Davis has been under-utilized the past few years by the Toronto Blue Jays.  Nevertheless, Rajai Davis stole 45 bases in 2013, and he stole 46 bases in 2012.  The main reason that Rajai Davis didn't play more is that although he could catch fly balls in the outfield fairly well, he had an unfortunate tendency of throwing the ball about 15 rows deep into the box seats behind the first-base dugout when trying to catch a runner trying to score from second base.

Rajai Davis now plays for the Detroit Tigers.  Do the Owners hear the cha-ching?  I think they do.  They may even introduce Rajai Davis to the cutoff man, and suggest to Rajai that he'd be better off  throwing the baseball to the cutoff man, rather than throwing it to the fans in the box seats behind first base.

Jerry Blevins, a pitcher for the Oakland A's went 5-0 last year, and had a 3.15 ERA.  The Oakland A's traded Jerry Blevins to the Washington Nationals for a kid in the Minor Leagues named Billy Burns.  What does Billy Burns do?  Well, in 2013 he stole 74 bases in the Minors.  In spring training Billy Burns led all base-stealers. including Billy Hamilton, in stolen bases.  Billy batted .315 in the Minors; but he's not ready for the big leagues yet.  I expect to see him playing for Oakland maybe in August or September...cha-ching!

Get yourself ready for a fun year on the basepaths.  Did I mention that Eric Young stole 38 bases for the Mets last year?  Cha-ching!

At this rate, catchers as well as pitchers in the Major Leagues may need Tommy John surgery, just to play the game.  It should be a fun year.

Bug Juice

I can't think about baseball without thinking about bug-juice.  I don't know if they even have bug-juice these days, but when I was a kid it was a big thing during baseball season...at least at the reform school where I was a student.

No one was sure what was really in the bug juice, but it tasted great.  And the bugs loved it.  The bug-juice came in a very large tureen which was typically kept beside the bench along the first-base line.  You would wave your arm over the tureen to shoo the bugs away, and then you'd stick a dipper into the tureen and slurp up a cup full of bug-juice.  Heaven.  And then you'd get back to your baseball game.

In preparation for the Main Event (see my previous post) I entered a satellite fantasy baseball league for $350.  I figured maybe I'd learn something.  I certainly did.  In that draft I selected Patrick Corbin as one of my pitchers.  He was great for the Texas Rangers at the beginning of the 2013 season, and I thought he might improve this year.

After the draft I learned that Patrick Corbin had had Tommy John surgery, and would miss the entire season!

Well, I wouldn't make that mistake again!

So in the Main Event what happened?  I drafted Jarrod Parker.  After the draft I learned that Jarrod Parker had had Tommy John surgery on the day before I drafted him.  You can't make this stuff up.

So now I have to replace Patrick Corbin and Jarrod Parker from the Waiver Wires in each league.  I won't go into detail here.  Tonight at about 7:15 Pacific  Time I will find out if I have been able to replace these guys with someone half-way decent.

The Main Event...Fantasy Baseball

Unless you're Australian, baseball begins tonight...March 30th, 2014.  For some stupid reason the Dodgers played two games against the Diamondbacks in Australia last week.  Baseball and Australia just don't mix.  Even the dirt was a problem.  The dirt in Australia isn't up to the standard dirt required for baseball in America, so they had to ship tons of dirt from California to Australia just to get the pitcher's mound to meet specifications.

And what happened?  Clayton Kershaw went on the disabled list for the first time in his career; and the other Los Angeles Dodger pitcher who was exposed to the Australian dirt..Hyun-Jin Ryu, broke the nail on his big toe.  You could see him have a problem if you watched the game.  It looked like Ryu turned his ankle.  But he only broke his toe-nail.  Had to have it surgically removed when he got back to the States, and he's pitching tonight.

Well, tonight things get back to normal.  I think the Padres will beat the Dodgers just because the trip to and from Australia probably has the Dodger's players body-time clocks all screwed up

Last season my son introduced me to Fantasy Baseball.  Fantasy Baseball??  Give me a break.  I'm a grown-up.  A retired guy.  Too late for fantasies for me.

Well, I've got news for ya.  Fantasy Baseball is the greatest thing since...well...ice-cream.  At least.

I finished 4th in my first Fantasy Baseball league.  I figure that gave me enough experience to take on the top baseball experts in the country.  So I plunked down $1,600 and I went to Vegas (a short trip for me) and I got into this baseball draft  called "The Main Event" held at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino.  That's the place with the "dancing fountains."  You've probably seen it on TV or advertised somewhere.

The contest is limited to 240 players.  Top prize is $125,000.  Each "league" consists of 15 teams, and the 15 team-owners draft 30 players each...a total of 450 ballplayers.  This is what is called a deep league.  It's difficult to get more than 2 or 3 stars on each team.

I drafted 11th in my league.  I think I had a pretty good draft.  One of the guys I drafted against won the overall prize ($125,000) last year; and several others in the draft had won major prizes in previous years.  So I am playing against some top-flight guys.

And it begins tonight.  I am technically in next-to-last place in the standings right now.  That's because I don't have any players on the Dodgers or Diamondbacks on my Fantasy team, so I have earned 0 points so far.  Even tonight, I only have one player...Will Venable...playing.  So unless Venable hits 4 home runs and steals 4 bases or something, I expect I'll still be in next-to-last place after tonight's game.  Maybe even lower.

But I shall survive.